A big "aha" moment for me.

by Rob
(Chicago, Illinois)

Thank you so much for shedding light into this subject. I thought my ex-partner of 5 years was Bipolar, as the anger he expressed oftentimes, was followed by a lot of happy moments. The anger would just come out of nowhere, and for the most minute issue. The issue could turn into an hour-long argument. He visited a psychotherapist, and was treated with Lamictal, although he abandoned treatment after a few days, stating that it made him feel tired.

Well, the five year relationship with my ex-partner ended over 5 years ago, and this past July I met another guy that is exhibiting almost the exact type of behavior. Are people often mid-diagnosed as being Bipolar, rather than Narcissists? I'm a Family Nurse Practioner, and am familiar on certain level with different types of psychological diagnoses. It really irks me to think that unknowingly got involved again with the dame type of person. I've been with him for 6 months now, and feel, as you described in your editorial, that I just cannot do anything right in his eyes., he believes he is an aficionado at everything. So much so, that he's even gone as far as saying that he knows more about his asthma than I do, and just because I learned about asthma in books doesn't mean I know more than him.

He's been physically violent, three times, when arguing, and has made cornea when we argue like, "when you're away, I'm going to pour antifreeze under your door, and kill your dog, and cat". He later told me that he was just saying that to be vindictive. He also stated that none of my friends are any good, and doesn't want me discussing our problems with them because they aren't going to like him, and they're hearing a skewed version of the story coming from me. His behavior overall, when he's suggesting that I change something, or do something different, condecscending.

Another aspect of his personality that you touched on, is that he doesn't respect boundaries. When sleeping together at night, I have to constantly remind him that he needs move over because I'm practically hanging off the side of the bed. I've also noticed when I first met him that he started just opening my kitchen cupboards, or bathroom drawers, just helping himself, without asking for anything. I allow him to wear my clothes to work when he stays over, but then he gets defensive when I have to remind him to give me articles of clothing back.

On one occasion, he insisted that I quit seeing my personal trainer because I happened to mention that he was attractive... and the guy is STRAIGHT, and poses no threat.

I'm at my wits end with him, and am so mad I've allowed this relationship to continue for 6 months. Our 6 month anniversary is tomorrow, as a matter of fact. I am tired of being in relationships where I'm told what to do. I don't consider myself to be a pushover, but I've allowed myself to be one to appease him, because he has endearing qualities, and charm.

Others would not see the "dark" side of his personality, that you referred to. He is attractive, very fun-loving, and I feel like he tries to compete with me for attention in conversations with others.

I don't feel as though I want to remain in this toxic relationship. We've broken up 7 times in 6 months. I an doubting whether he has been faithful as well, as he is constantly accusing me of talking to people behind his back. We have access to one smothers phone password, and scroll through each others messages. It was originally his idea to exchange passwords.

In closing, I want to thank you once again, for giving me insight into the Narcissist's (blamer) personallity.