Confused...

Thank you for this article! It was really helpful! Though there's one thing I'm disappointed about... I was expecting you'd get to the "confusion" reason, too and talk more into detail about it and give some advice.
You were saying to write on our to do list from the smallest, short-term goals to our biggest long-term goals as in writing a successful script... I've made a 3 pages long 'to do' list and most of my goals were big goals... blocked mainly by confusion and doubt. Meaning I don't know what to do to accomplish them. I honestly don't know what steps to take on some of them as they're not things I could logically change. I was hoping I might find an advice on here about that, but it's the only aspect you haven't talked about...

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Oct 09, 2010
 p2
by: Seranya

I get it, yes I am grateful for everything I have. And I try to keep a positive attitude even when some aspects of my life are going horribly wrong or just not improving. I realise that I am more fortunate than many people, that others are having much tougher lives and I am grateful for being where I am now and not in a worse condition. But there are also times when I look at millions of other more fortunate people, whose lives are much better than mine and I get reminded about everything that's missing in my life... It's hard to keep a constant positive attitude.
Oct 09, 2010
 Ok, I get it...
by: Seranya

I think I know why we're not exactly on the same page here, because I base my ideas on a particular belief I have, called the Law of Attraction, which you probably don't know... At first I thought your site was based on it, but I noticed later on that it's just about helping people get a positive mental attitude, not that actual thing.
I really appreciate all the advice you're giving me, but it's just that some things conflict with my belief and that's why I don't agree with everything.

I appreciate the intention of helping me, and I don't wanna sound rude or anything, but there's nothing I hate more than being told that I am not truly passionate about something. No one can completely understand how someone feels or thinks, there might be more than meets the eye.
I am not using money as an excuse, that is not what I meant when I said I can't practice guitar. It's not that I don't have a teacher, I'm self-taught. I've learnt most of what I know now from youtube videos and other online tutorials. I'm not complaining that I don't have anyone to teach me, the problem is I don't have the space in my current home to practice. Even if it sounds absurd, it's true. If I could, I'd play everyday, I love music, only I know how passionate I am for it and how I feel the need to play instruments every day but can't...
We are 5 people living in a small house with thin walls... There is at least one person constantly in the house. And besides the fact that I would most likely bother them every time, I'm also uncomfortable playing with others around me. As weird as it may sound... I am a bit twisted, I admit it. And I know I'm limiting myself with this behaviour, I know that I'm the one to blame and no one else in this, that's why I want to change my personality so much. And I'm not using any excuses - but it's not really a piece of cake to change your way of thinking and behaving. That however, doesn't mean I am not trying my best.

And to get back on the law of attraction that I mentioned earlier - this concept is mostly based on the power of one's thoughts. It's absurd to think I can write even a brief description of it here, it's really complex, but the point in very few words, is that we can attract and create ANYTHING just with the power of our thoughts. Therefore thinking about logical ways to reach my goals, like doing research on growing taller, aren't applicable. The process is focused on believing in your goal and then letting go, without worrying about HOW it will be achieved.
I did, however, look into several ways of growing taller. I know about growth hormones, surgery, exercises etc. But none would work for me. And it's not even necessary either. The LOA is all about believing anything is possible.
Oct 08, 2010
 What are you willing to do for your goal?
by: Catherine

Hi,

I definitely don't want you to give up on your dreams. Not at all. Some of the greatest inventions have been from people going after their dream when they've been told to forget it, it's impossible. The creation of airplanes and the discovery of things like insulin for example. But, those people took years of working towards their goal to achieve that. So, the question is what are you willing to do to achieve your goals? For example, would you be willing to go to school to learn about genetics, dna, hormones, etc to discover a way to allow people to be taller? What are you willing to do?

Often people say they want to do things but they're more "it'd be nice" goals rather than passionate desires. They'd like it but aren't willing to go to any great effort to achieve it. You can think all the positive thoughts you want but if you aren't willing to do something to create what you want, you won't get very far.

Using money as an excuse is a limiting belief. If you were truly passionate about learning guitar for example, the lack of money would not get in your way. You'd find another way. You'd go to the library and rent every dvd they have or take every course you could find on youtube or find someone who plays and offer something like walking their dog every day in exchange for teaching you how to play guitar. If you're truly passionate about something you'd find a way.

Pick one of your goals you're truly passionate about and start to figure out what steps you'd need to take and ask yourself what you'd be willing to do. eg. Have you ever read any of the tons of research out there on how they make animals grow larger? Have you researched human growth hormones? Things like pilates will stretch your spine and give you the muscles needed to stand perfectly straight. Have you looked into exercises like that?

What I was trying to say with looking at the benefits of what you already have is that it's important to value and appreciate yourself now as well as be grateful for what you already have. For example being grateful for having a roof over your head. It's great to want to have a bigger home but be grateful for what you already have. Being grateful and appreciative opens your mind to new opportunities and possible solutions.
Oct 06, 2010
 part 2
by: Seranya

I am trying to accomplish other goals, though, not related to career or appearance. But they all seem hard as well. Me and my family have been trying to move out to a different place, to buy a new house but don't have the money. We have a terrible financial status and don't see anything in perspective that might change that. So this goal seems stuck as well. I want to travel the world, of course, it's one of my dreams. But that is related to money as well... I would like to get better at playing guitar and piano and again these are related to money because of the limited space in our current house. Not to mention all the things I want to change in my personality. When you put them all together you realise there are bits connecting each other in a way that they all seem to depend on one another. And I don't know where to start to get them all moving.
Oct 06, 2010
 Resigning yourself
by: Seranya

That's ok. I was out of the city for a while so I couldn't check my email anyway.

Are you telling me to change my way of looking at things so that I can attract the things I want more easily or just so that I can make peace with myself the way I am now and stop wishing for those things? If it's the latter I'm certainly not going to resign myself with the way I am. There is nothing worse, in my opinion, than giving up on your goals because you think of them as impossible. When you start considering changing your way of looking at things it automatically means you're resigning yourself with your current situation and give up on your goals because they are too hard (or impossible) to achieve. I just do not intend on doing this. I know they seem impossible to achieve, because they're not exactly logical but I believe in the power of thoughts that rules over common sense.

But it's not so easy, even if I know what I have to do. That's why I keep looking for inspiration on how I might empower my thoughts with more positivity. I'm not looking for people telling me to give up my goals and accept myself the way I am now. I already know all the advantages and disadvantages of both sides and without a doubt I know I would feel a million times better with the changes I want.
I know I have to work on accepting myself the way I am now even if I want to change, I know that. But I can only accept myself with the perspective of a change in my mind. I can't make total peace with who I am now thinking that I would be stuck like this forever. Would this conflict with my attempts to change myself?

About other goals, yes I have many other goals, but they're all connected with each other. And I've started out with the physical ones because I can't move any further until I've got those cleared out. I know it's not mandatory... not at all, of course, but to me it is a condition. I don't want to start a certain career looking like this. It's not that I CAN'T start it, it's that I WON'T start it until I feel better about myself. I am a perfectionist and I have an ideal life pictured in my head and it doesn't include me starting out my career looking and feeling like this. It may sound silly and shallow but it's a desire I've had within me since little and I'm not giving up on it. I just feel it would be the ideal life for me.
Sep 30, 2010
 Do you have other goals?
by: Catherine

Hi Seranya,

Sorry for the delay. My computer hard drive crashed and it's amazing how time consuming it is trying to deal with that.

Have you ever thought about the benefits of being your current height? For example, travelling in cars and planes might be a lot more comfortable for you than someone who's 6 feet. You probably have more choice when buying things like pants because you can easily shorten the material. A 6 foot person often doesn't have that option. Things like that. Appreciate the benefits of what you currently have.

Dieting is frustrating for anyone. It also makes you feel like you're depriving yourself. You're having to give something up. Maybe it'd be easier to think along the lines of being healthy and having a toned body rather than losing a certain amount of weight. When you try to get rid of something (like weight), it becomes frustrating because you give all your control and power over to the weight. All you can think about is that you haven't immediately gotten rid of something. But if you try to create something, a toned body, then you don't get stuck feeling frustrated. Or, if you thought of it as you want to be healthy and have more energy then you'll start choosing the things that help you do that. You'll want to give up the junk food etc because you're working towards something and you'll keep thinking of ways to achieve that. You empower yourself instead of depriving yourself. It's just a different way of looking at it.

Do you have any goals that aren't physical? Like a certain career you want or places you want to visit? It might be easier to start with something like that. Things you can take definite steps towards achieving in your life. Changing your height so drastically is a tough one and you are always going to be bound by certain things like genetics. Having a specific career is something you can definitely take control over. You might feel better about yourself if you do start seeing yourself accomplishing things like that. You'll see that you do have a lot of power over your own life.
Sep 24, 2010
 Part 2
by: Seranya

I had to divide them as well:

It all makes sense, I know, I've heard that before. You have to accept you current situation and feel happy, for like attracts like. When you hate a certain aspect of your life you exert resistance. You're focusing on the bad feeling and attract the same negative energy. I get that. I know it in theory... I have to be positive to exert positive vibes and attract positive energy in my life. It's all nice and easy, but putting it in practice is tremendously hard! This is where I need help. No matter if I accept myself, I just can't make myself love or appreciate certain aspects of my life that are just awful and need to change. I can't look at them in a positive light. Maybe I should just stop focusing on them at all?


The emotion going on behind... I feel there is a discrepancy between how I am now and how I feel on the inside and how my inner, true personality is like. I feel like this is not my true self (I'm not talking only about physical matters). On the inside I would like to behave differently and to look differently. I am much closer to my inner person than to the way I appear on the outside. That's why I feel that is the truer me so to speak... I want to become more like the ideal person inside, it just feels right to me.
Sep 24, 2010
 Ideal self
by: Seranya

Well yes of course, I want all of those changes for a reason. They all contribute to my ideal image because they all offer me things I like. I want to have a faster metabolism because then I wouldn't have to worry about what and how much I eat everyday, I wouldn't have to count calories and choose extra large clothes when going shopping. I could get rid of one worry in my life, one HUGE worry. I would feel much more comfortable in my own skin.
I want to be taller because I like the way tall people look. That's simple. Some people like short persons, but I personally don't. I've always liked tall, lean bodies. But never really had one...

That height is ideal for me because I've seen how people of that height look and I've decided that would be good for me, it's not too tall and not too short, it's just where I'd like to be. Yes, I'm a perfectionist and I don't feel at ease with how I look now. I don't expect to look "perfect" with that height and fast metabolism, but I'd be as I like. Perfection doesn't exist and can't be reached but it's not what I'm striving for. It's not that I don't feel "perfect" with how I am right now, it's just that I have ideals, like all people, and according to my taste I'd like to look differently.

I want to be around 6 feet tall (I use the metric system so I'm not sure if that's the right conversion, but in cm it's 183). Currently I'm really short, just 5 feet 3, it's a long way to cover up with heels and different clothing... and you're right that wouldn't make me feel better, because the idea of changing my height is to not worry constantly about choosing certain clothes and always be on high heels.

Yes, I've heard that before. I know that's what I'm supposed to be doing in order to change, but the thing is it's really tricky... I've been working on making peace with myself for a long time, I think I need new/better ways to do this while still feeling that I'm taking action towards my goals of improving and not leaving them behind. Whenever I work on accepting myself the way I am now, I feel like I'm giving up on my goals and settle for what I have now and whenever I get mad at myself and start dieting and work more on changing myself, I feel guilty like I'm doing something wrong because everyone says I must be at peace NOW before I can move further.
Sep 21, 2010
 Continued from previous posting
by: Catherine

Continued.

So, if your real goal is to be true to yourself, maybe one of the first steps would be to look at why you're feeling the way you are. What's the emotion going on behind this dislike of the way you are now? Is there anger? Do you feel like you don't have much control over your life, like things are being done to you? Do you feel like you're not good enough or broken in some way? What's going on there? And, then you deal with that first. It'll make achieving your goals much easier because you'll understand why you're doing it and what you're really hoping to achieve by gaining it. And, then you'll be able to make effective decisions as to what you need to do and what you're willing to do to achieve it. Goals need to be for the right reasons.

You can definitely become the person you want to be. I think that's a great goal. But, make sure you know why you're trying to achieve that goal. You might want to explore your concept of the "ideal self" a little first as well. And, consider what will the results be when you do become your ideal self?
Sep 21, 2010
 Being Your True Self
by: Catherine

Hi,

I can understand wanting to be taller. For the longest time, I wanted to be an inch taller. And, I'd love to have the same metabolism I did when I was younger. For me, having a faster metabolism would mean I could eat all the chocolate I want and not gain an ounce.

What would a faster metabolism mean to you? If you could take a pill and it speeded up your metabolism, what would be the sign that you'd been successful? How would you know when it was fast enough for you? That's why this goal is a tricky one because you need something to reach to know you've been successful with it. If your goal was to have a healthy, toned body, that's different because you have something tangible to work towards. How do you measure how fast your metabolism is? How would you know if what you're doing is working or not? What would be the results of a faster metabolism? Deciding what results you want to achieve might be an easier way to look at this goal.

But, something to remember is that it doesn't matter if you're 5 feet tall or 10 feet tall, you're the same person inside. You have the same beliefs, same values, same perspective on life.

Where do you think the thought came from that being a specific height is the ideal height? Why would it be better? How would it make you feel different? Those are the important things to figure out. Do you feel like you're not "perfect" if you're not a certain height?

And, how much taller do you need to be? There's lots of things you could do to look taller, wear shoes with higher heels, wear different clothes, etc but I know that wouldn't make you feel better.

Being true to yourself means being happy with who you are now. Yes, you always want to work towards improving yourself and making yourself even better but the trick is that you have to be happy with yourself to start with. If you want to change because you hate part of yourself, it's not going to matter if you do reach that height or not, you're not going to be satisfied. You haven't addressed the real issue which is why you don't like yourself.

You will never be at peace with yourself until you accept yourself the way you are first. Not only accept but appreciate and value yourself for the way you are. Then, you work towards always improving and becoming the absolute best you can be. You value yourself enough to want to be even better. It doesn't work the other way around though.

Hope that makes sense.

So, if your goal is to be true to yourself, maybe one of the first steps would be to look at why you're feeling the way you are. What's the emotion going on behind this dislike of the way you are now? Is there anger? Do you feel like you don't have much control over your life, like things are being done to you? Do you feel like you're not good enough or broken in some way? What's going on there. And, then you deal with that first. It'll make achieving your goals much easier.

Okay, I've run out of space, so this will be continued in the next posting as well.
Sep 16, 2010
 The final goal is becoming my true self
by: Seranya

This are the steps required for me to become the person I've always dreamed of being.

I do not want to be taller because someone else says I should be taller, I want to do it because I have an image in my head of an ideal self that I want to reach.

The same with my metabolism and personality, I want to change for myself. I am not pleased with who I am at the moment and I want to evolve into something better.

The thing is I won't let anyone tell me how to be, I am the one who decides, there aren't any outer influences. If I want to be taller, it's only because I like myself more at a specific height. Even if others accept me the way I am, I will never be completely at peace with myself until I turn into the person I want to be.
Sep 15, 2010
 What are the final goals?
by: Catherine

Hi Seranya,

No, I don't think you're crazy. Those items are more the steps you need to take in order to achieve something. You want to be taller for a reason. What's that goal?

For example, you might want to be taller because you think people would respect you. This is a much different goal than say you want to be taller so you can be a model at a very specific modeling agency that has a minimum height requirement of 6 feet.

Same with the metabolism. What do you want to gain by having the higher metabolism?

Even changing the parts of your personality, what's the final goal there?

By knowing that, you then open yourself up to see other ways you might be able to accomplish your goals. You won't be stuck thinking these are the only steps you can take towards your goal.

Would you be okay sharing your final goals?
Sep 13, 2010
 Just promise you won't call me crazy...
by: Seranya

Thank you for answering so fast! wow :)
Well one of my goals is to grow taller... I'm not exactly in my growing phase any more, but I have faith that by positive thinking I'm gonna get there. And like this I have quite a few more goals... Like changing my metabolism (which is thought to be impossible to change since we all have it designed a certain way since birth). And other emotional issues, like changing different aspects of my personality - I don't know how to start this, I've tried positive self-talk but it doesn't seem to work... It's not easy to redefine your way of being...
Sep 13, 2010
 Let's Work Through One
by: Catherine

Hi,

Good point. You're right, I should go through the confusion part in more detail. I think I stopped because the article was already getting really quite long.

So, if you'd like, why don't you give me an example(s) from your list where you're confused and we'll work through it.

Catherine

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