Feeling a little lonely

Dear Catherine,

First of all would just like to say that I really love your site, and it has offered me a lot of helpful advice.

Anyways, I've been feeling a little lonely lately in terms of my lack of friendships/relationships.
It's not that I don't have ANY relationships, I do have one wonderful friend whose been almost like a sister to me for the last 4 years, and I also have a very supportive family, but for some reason I still feel really lonely sometimes and never feel like I can fit into any group.

I know I should be grateful for what I have, but a part of me still wishes for a greater circle of friends, yet for the past two years it's really just been me and my best friend, which is great but I still long for more. I'm starting to feel like maybe socially there's something wrong with me but I just can't seem to connect to other people (I'm in my second year of college).

Also relationship wise I'm turning 20 in a couple of weeks and still have zero luck meeting anyone in terms of a boyfriend let alone even a date. It's just getting really frustrating especially when people around you are dating/entering relationships.

Well that's all hope it wasn't to long.
Take Care,
S.S.

Comments for Feeling a little lonely

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Feb 11, 2009
 friendships
by: Catherine

Hi S.S,

Thanks for the nice comments about my site.

There's a few ways you could look at this. First, I have a question for you though. What do you think would be different if you had a lot of friends as opposed to your one good friend? What would you gain by it? How would your life be different?

It'll help you to understand why you really want more friends. Is it because you think that if you had a lot of friends then you would feel like you're more important or special and also get to be the center of attention sometimes? Or is it more so you could be involved with interesting activities and hang out with different people?

It's your true intention that's important. So, if you really just want to do different things, then you could start thinking about what you would like to be involved with, eg book clubs or hiking trips or just hanging out with people. Then, you'd be able to start looking for places where you could do that. You'd suddenly notice that ad in the college paper looking for volunteers to help with the theatre if that was what you were interested in. You need to know what it is that you want to create in your life so that you can figure out how you would do that.

If you're feeling lonely, the real reason could be more along the lines that you're not feeling very confident within yourself and that would just be an area for you to work on.

Something else to consider is whether you need to try some things on your own. If your friend doesn't want to go somewhere, would you also not go? Is it possible that no one approaches you because they think you're only interested in being with your friend? I've seen that happen before. Or maybe you rely on your friend to do all the talking and that gives the impression that you're not interested in the conversation. Would you ever approach someone in one of your classes and just say Hi and strike up a conversation? The issue could be as simple as that you just need to reach out to other people and not wait for them to approach you first.

You also need to be careful that you're not falling into a "should" trap. For example, you see on TV and in movies, that when you're in college everyone has a lot of great friends so you just naturally assume that you "Should" too. And, then when it doesn't happen like that in real life, you wonder what's wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with wanting a lot of friends, just be careful that you're not wanting them just because you think you should have them.

Anyway, those are just a few thoughts off the top of my head. Feel free to contact me if you want to work through this some more. I'd be glad to help if I can.

Catherine
Jul 09, 2010
 to S.S and Catherine
by: Hannah

I feel the same way like S.S feeling: feeling a little lonely. I used to have a boyfriend and used to have a great time when i was with him. We was together for about 4 years and then we broke up. He said that we didn't match and we didn't have any thing in common. Whatever the reason was, he made me felt like I always have problems in all my relationships. After we broke up, i have been feeling lonely all the time. I don't have any friend around me. I have nobody to talk and to hang out with. On the weekend I really don't know what to do to kill time. When I was in school, i studied so hard to get what i wanted. Now, I am working and making money but myself is never happy. I am 31yrs old now, working hard , but not socializing with any one. I feel like nobody could be my friend. They are not trusted at all. They were only around me when they needed me.But when I needed them, nobody was there for me. Sometime I am feeling like I am failing in my life. I don't know whom I should trust in and lean on. Thanks Jesus that He is the only Best Friend who is always there for me. I know that i have to seek him more until I could find him in my life. I hope that anyone in the world who is feeling lonely and frustrated in life will know Jesus as their Best Friends. I wish S.S will find her happiness if she comes to Jesus.

With Love in Jesus
HANNAH

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