is it Fb or me???????????????????

by ELLE

hi there.....

need some advice, i think im going mad, ive been married for eleven years and with my husband for almost 23 yrs total. i met him when i was 14 and he was 19- we have two lovely kids.

lately he;s been on fb a lot through his iphone etc so as i set it up for him i had a snoop one day and found some meesages and comments to old ex girlfirends etc. i felt hurt and betrayed as he was showing them attention he seems to have forgotten to give me... to be honest i felt so insecure.
anyway when i confronted him, i asked who he was connected to and he told me another girls name and admitted he;s been chattin to her at night for about a week (while i was studying for college exams)- anyway i felt crushed and this made me more and more insecure so i deactivated his account and changed the password. the shit hit the fan literally for about a week or so, arguments, i made threats to leave (etc), crying etc and then finally we had a breakthrough and spent the last two weeks getting to know each other all over again, doing things together and just being loved up. soooo i decided that i had to learn to trust him and stop being so paronoid and insecure. i reactivated his fb account again, but last nite when i logged on to my account i got a notification saying he is now friends with the one from the chat room !!!! i went f******* crazy and confronted him yet again , and he told me wen he went back onto his account she had sent a freind request - was she missing him when his account was deactivated/ is she trying to get with him????? but more to the point - what was he thinking accepting her as a friend again???? i feel so hurt, angry and used ... we're just arguing all the time and i told him i want a seperation? he told me there is nothing going on and that i am over reacting and paronoid as he said it is all in my head?? i can't get past these feelings of hurt and betrayal " whats wrong with me"???? please ... any decent advice would be appreciated!

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May 02, 2015
 Yeah...
by: Anonymous

I have been in a similar situation, the main difference being I am a guy and it was my girlfriend, talking to this guy on fb, told her to delete him, she wouldn't , more shit hit the fan, blah blah blah.I try my best to not let the past cloud my "now". It's hard, I know how terribly hard it is, when the one you love is talking to another. But what I have learned through trials and tribulations: the more you try to control things or "forbid" things / freak out about them, the more you are focusing on the bad and pushing your partner away. The question you have to think about is how can I make this relationship better? And try to enjoy the now. It's fucking hard I know and probably will never be easy but you just have to try to "let go let god" so to speak. The only thing we really have control over is our thoughts and emotions so you gotta try to identify destructive thoughts and emotions and learn to focus on the good.

And talking to someone on Facebook is not a real relationship. It CAN be if you keep freaking out about it and pushing them away. You gotta try to accept it because you can't control anybody , only your own mind.

When you have fought with him, does he tell you it doesn't matter and he loves you? If so, then you should roll with that and try to let it go. Deactivating someone's account is stepping over boundaries and jealous. And jealousy doesn't win. Ever
Jun 16, 2012
 benefit of the doubt
by: Anonymous

ur hubby gave u a benefit of the doubt,same case with me i first caught my partner thru his cellphoe messages,i almost begged for hs time for i just gave birth,i confronted him he said same shit..nothing is really going on..it was just a txt,i call for a pause cool off i may say.we seperated for 2 yrs now,and finally i found out that not a single thing of my doubt was wrong,now i saw him having an affair wt the same girl i was nagging him before..women have a strong sense when something really isnt going on right,but if youre naive and ready to just close your eyes and live with it then u just have to accept it..

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