Is There HOPE When The Blamer Is Your Spouse?


(Ontario, Canada)

This sounds like my mate....who continually blames me for everything that goes wrong....he also has negative comments about everything and everything everybody else is doing WRONG in this world....he never says he is sorry even when I make him realize I was not at fault.

We were teenage sweethearts....first loves....were engaged....broke up and married different people. His wife died a few years ago and since I never got him out of my heart.

The long and short...we live together now....so he is like my SPOUSE.....I divorced 30 years ago and was never with anybody else since....til this man.

Is there any hope for us? y brain tells me to do so....my heart does not want to walk away....so I am willing to try to understand this personality type and see if there are changes I can make to help this relationship. There is a really wonderful side to this man....it is just the blame thing!!!





























Comments for Is There HOPE When The Blamer Is Your Spouse?

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Sep 12, 2018
 Don't know what to do
by: Lu

I've been married to a blamer for 13 years. For the first 10, I did not know something was wrong with him. I truly believed his words and thought I was hopeless. I thanked God he accepted me with all my faults. It was only a few years ago I realized. It was a shock. It had been him all along. No matter what I did, no matter waht I said. He always had a way to rationalize it and talk me into thinking it was all my fault. I just wasn't buying it anymore.
He is a great person when I do things his way (at times, his way and my way are the same). We've had so many moments of true love, desire, partnership, friendship. It's hard to let go. We also have a daughter.
I keep trying to find ways to overcome this problem but sometimes I can't find any hope.
Dec 30, 2017
 The blamer
by: Anonymous

After many different attempts at changing my husband's point of view on me, is it worth loosing my self respect? I can't rap my mind around someone who can think of me in such a filthy way and proceed to hold me accountable for my natural reactions to his thoughts. How can someone think about me that way and then claim to love me or even be intermit with me.
Jun 17, 2012
 Relationship with the spouse
by: Anonymous

I married this man, who seems to be a blamer to me now... thanks to your article... But, I married him with my own choice and because he was just so good before marriage. But, problems cropped up right after that. He just seems to control me and if I don't heed to his commands, hell falls on me- he shouts, accuses me of being insecure myself and a lot more. He's not staying with me right now as he's away to a foreign land, yet, I am worried, if we stay together, what will become of me?

Confused and worried- I want to save my marriage, but, he's just so tough to understand. He seems to have multiple personality- sometimes nice, sometimes worst.
What do I do now?- my parents say I married him with my own will, now I must withstand what's in store for me with him. After reading the article, I am all the more sort of scared of him now. God alone knows what makes him happy.
Jun 07, 2012
 Blaming projects onto the blamee guilt, worthlessness, anxiety, abuse!
by: Anonymous

I agree entirely with Anonymous on 3 March - that being blamed is a complex syndrome of abuse, guilt, and provokes anxiety, distress and worthlessness in the abused. WALK AWAY!!!!!!
Oct 10, 2011
 I HOPE SO
by: Anonymous

My husband is a blamer. I feel bad about it because he seems so unhappy.
We've been married nearly 21 years. I have blown up at him a few times and I can honestly say he has tried to do better especially with his temper but it always comes back.
It's encourgaing to know it's not me. I am pretty self confident and this article has helped me. I just hope I can keep my emotions out of it. He does have a good side and I know he loves me but I believe he does have have a problem whether it is emotional, mental or physical. I have told him before that he was deceptive because I never saw this side of him while we were dating. He has said many times there is nothing wrong with him
Aug 30, 2011
 blamer
by: tyke

I am married to a blamer -yes- he loves himself - and blames everybody and me if something goes wrong.
Never being sorry or being accountable.
I am a strong person with a very good background - so I do stand up to him and call a spade a spade. He will try to put me down but it doesn't work, as I will turn the table on him and show him where HE is wrong - he hates it - but he will get over it in a short time.
There must be compliment after each blame in order to stay in a relationship....watch & wait for it - it must come.!!!.
Apr 05, 2011
 a little insight
by: Anonymous

I was a blamer in the end of my relationship with my gf when she left it was a huge wake up call for me. I sought out help for my own depression and learned better ways to cope with situations. The key is that he has to chose to change you are powerless in the situation. I hope all turns out well
Mar 03, 2011
 Dear Is there hope
by: Anonymous

I understand because I am in similar situation. But you must realize, it's NOT just a blame thing. It's the verbal abuse, put downs, emotional abuse, feelings of worthlessness and everything else that goes with it (just to mention a few).

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