Jealousy and negative thinking

by Mike
(UK)

Hi,
I am a 28 year old firefighter from the UK, I am not bad looking and have got a lot going for me. But I have always struggled with low self-esteem and have very low self confidence. I suffer from adult ADHD and have been treated in the past for anxiety.
I have the most amazing girlfriend that I have been with about 3 months, I am completly in-love with her, The problem I have is, no matter what she says to me, I always think negative things for example, If she said I was the best boyfriend she's ever had, I'd get upset thinking about her ex boyfriends and not be really happy that she thinks I'm the best?! It's really getting me down and although she hasn't really noticed I'm affraid she will at some point and be upset with me. I just want to be happy and not run negative thoughts through my head whenever she says anything to me.

Many thanks for any help or advice.

Mike.

Comments for Jealousy and negative thinking

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Feb 03, 2010
 Change your thoughts
by: Catherine

Hi Mike,

When you catch yourself going down that thought process, stop and change direction. Maybe ask yourself, "what can I do to make my girlfriend know how special I think she is?" or "what activity could we do together that would be fun?"

Right now, you're getting caught up in thinking about what you don't want. You don't want to fail as a boyfriend or you don't want to be compared to her previous boyfriends. You don't want her to leave you, etc.

Just turn it around to what you do want. You want to make the relationship stronger, you want to spend time with her, you want to take her out to dinner, whatever. Just think about what you want to do. Then, your brain will start thinking about how you can do that. You can buy her flowers, you can rub her feet when she gets home, whatever. But, now you're thinking about things you can do and you can move forwards.

Otherwise, you're just stuck feeling bad and you're brain just starts thinking about all the reasons why she'll leave you for example. You just need to pay attention to what you're telling yourself or even how you're feeling. If you're feeling bad (anxious, scared, angry, etc.) you're thinking about what you don't want. Ask yourself what you do want instead. Might just take a little practice at first to be aware of what you're thinking about and making the decision to choose different thoughts and questions you're asking yourself, but pretty quickly you'll start doing it almost automatically.

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