Missing intimacy

by Bond
(Australia)

I am a 33 yr old girl/woman. I consider myself to be smart, attractive, sexy, kind hearted and quite talented.

At this point of time in my life, I find that I keep on being successful but the more successful I become the more lonely I feel.

I have not had a boyfriend in over two years and miss the perks that come with that, if you know what I mean :)

Admittedly, I am quite a sexual person and I think that may be playing a part where my one on one relationships turn a bit sour.

I have loved three guys in my life. The last two were ended by the other males and I did not seek out the reason as to why they left me and I am definitely not going to contact them to find out. However, I do possibly put too much blame on myself for the ending of these relationships.

I work full time and study part time and am due to graduate next year after an 8 year period of arduous study. At the moment I feel like my hard work is not worth it and find it really really difficult to concentrate.

I generally guys who are strong and tend to like the egotistical ones too.

I am confused as to why I cannot get intimacy - is it the fact that I work too much, place too much emphasis on sex, have not got over my past relationships or all of the above?????

I know that it could possibly be hard to give advice from the information I have given but any insights/advice/comments would be welcomed.




Comments for Missing intimacy

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Nov 07, 2008
 Missing intimacy
by: Catherine, www.Life-With-Confidence.com

Hi Bond,

Something which struck me about your posting is that there seems to be an inconsistency between what you say you want and the type of guy you find you're attracted to.

An egotistical male is not really known for providing intimacy. Also, they would need a lot of attention and you seem to have a lot on your plate right now with work and school. So, they may have left because they weren't getting enough of the attention they craved. Some egotistical males need to be the center of attention all the time. They might also feel threatened by your schooling, your job and your talent.

So, why do you feel attracted to that type of male? Why aren't you attracted to the strong but sensitive type of male who would give you the intimacy you say you want and also be very supportive and appreciative of what you have to offer?

Are there any thoughts in the back of your mind like "that's what I deserve" or "relationships never work for me" or even, "if I'm successful I'll end up alone (it's lonely at the top, successful women never find a man)". What's your first thought when a relationship goes wrong? That may give you a clue as to what might be happening behind the scenes.

The other question I have is why do you feel your schooling isn't worth it? Do you feel that you're not truly successful unless you have a man in your life? You may find that since you're graduating, you'll have time to devote to someone now and you will find that special someone. Before, it may have been you were just too busy to really focus on finding someone.

You are going through a transition too in that you've spent 8 years going through a tough program. Now, you're having to think about change from that. So, that may be influencing your feelings somewhat. The fear of the unknown as to what is going to happen next.

Also, you won't have school to take up so much time so you may be fearing being alone. Whereas before, you tackled the fear of being alone by how much time you spent at school. So, if you have a fear of being alone, that may be influencing your relationships as well.

Those are just a couple of quick thoughts off the top of my head.

Catherine, www.Life-With-Confidence.com

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