My worth for her death

by SerenityNow
(Pa)

a year ago i have been in one of the best relationships i have ever been in yet i find myself not good enough for him and always questioning how he feels about me. It wasnt until recently on my spiritual journey back to finding myself that I have figured out why I do that. I was raised by my father for 18 years and my mother walked out when i was 18 months, i never met her till i was 12 and tried so hard to be enough for her but after many chances i had giving her i was never good enough. I finally cut off all ties to her a year and a half ago. My problem now is that she has just died a month ago and i dont want her ashes, but with her death i never got the approval or feeling of self worth or being good enough. Im worried that not getting that before she died that i may waste more of my life never feeling good enough and i dont want to put my boyfriend thru questioning how he feels about my or bring myself down everyday never feeling confident.