One-sided friendship

by Kim
(Dallas, TX)

I have a very important Ball coming up at my school. I don't want to go alone, and I asked who I thought was a good friend if he would go with me. He said no, because those are my friends that he don't know and would feel uncomfortable being at the ball. My feelings are so hurt, but I can't let it show. Our friendship is always based upon things that center around him. His ideas, his plans, his decisions, never anything I ask. This has to end.

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Mar 15, 2009
 Sorry about your ball
by: Catherine

Hi Kim,

Sorry to hear about your ball and that your friend hurt you.

Did you tell your friend that the ball was really important to you? Also, when he said he was uncomfortable going did you reply something like, "I know but I'll be there with you. This is really important to me and I'd really like you to be there with me." So, that he truly knew how important it was to you?

Sometimes, we assume people know how important things are to us but unless you tell them, they don't know. He may have thought it was just another dance and that you'd be fine going with your other friends and that it wasn't a big deal. He may have been thinking that you've been to other dances on your own or something like that.

If you're now thinking, "He should have known how important it was to me" then you simply have a communication issue.

It sounds like he was an important friend to you so I just want to make sure that your friendship isn't going to end simply because of bad communication. It happens so easily. You think he "should" do something or you assume he should know how important something is to you and that's where a lot of problems can start.

I wrote an article recently on "Why won't people help me?" which is along the same lines that people need to be really clear in their communication with others. Otherwise, misunderstandings happen way too often.

So, don't assume he knew how important it was to you.

If you told him clearly and specifically and he was still a jerk and said no then that's different and re-thinking your friendship might be a good idea.

I'd just hate to see a good friendship end over something that could just be a misunderstanding.
Mar 21, 2009
 Two left feet
by: Buffet

Kim, is it possible that he can't dance, and perhaps was embarrassed to tell you? If so, maybe he love it if you offered to teach him?

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