The right to know your origins

by Michelle
(France)

Hello,

At 24 I learned from my mother that my biological father was different from the one I thought.
It came almost as a joke since it was told in a very casual way. My mother has little emotional intelligence or empathy. And was mostly embarassed of the situation.
My biological dad was already dead by the time...
a few years after that discussion, I started feeling a bit lost, and slowly got depressed. It was not until I've started therapy that I understood that I was very affected by this secret.
I wanted to know more about my biological father, but my mother refused to cooperate, saying that my research is hurting her feelings and i should just let go because what's done is done ...
I felt betrayed and confused and for about a year my relation with my mother was very difficult and scarce.
I tried to do my own research to trace some information about my father and managed to talk to one of his friends and also to see a picture of him. Seeing the picture brought some peace.

This discovery brought me first a lot of pain and anxiety and self-questionning. Only a few close friends understood why this issue was putting me down. Others told me to "move on" or to forgive and understand the circumstances.
I felt and still feel very angry with my mother. I'm working on understanding her and trying not to discuss this topic with her, however it created a gap between us.

"Who am I?" and "what's my story" are important questions in everyone's life. I will keep looking for answers and fill in the missing parts.