UNI FRIENDS/EXAMS/STRESS/DREAMS

by D
(Z)

I am really struggling at Uni, I thought I was going to have a great time, but little did I know that the friends I made in the first year were going to abandon me in the second year (this year).

This entire year at Uni I have spent alone, when trying to make new friends people just gave me negative vibes, or lie to me and say that they are saving a seat for some to sit next to them, but I then notice in lectures that no-one sat there, they just wanted to get rid of me.

People have lied to me, they pretend to be nice, they tell me that if I ever needed help then all I need to do is ask, but when I do ask for help, they first string me along and tell me that they will help me, and then later on they make excuses that they can't help me, and the excuses they come up are ridiculous and prove that they just don't want to help.

I have realised that people in my Uni are really cruel, the amount of time I have cried and wished that people weren't so horrible to me. I asked a girl if she could bring her lecture notes, she said she will bring it the next day, but she didn't. I asked her again, she said she needs to sort her notes out, and I asked her just to bring what ever she has, and she said ok. and then the next day she comes up with another excuse saying she needs to take her notes back home during study leave and needs to pack her notes in her suit case on the weekend. But she could still bring the notes in, I even told her I will give it back to her on the same day, and the weekend was two days away at that point but she still had a whole week to bring them in, so she had no excuse, but she lied because she didn't wanted to help me.

I asked another girl last Tuesday (18th) whether she would like to revise with me, I asked her that if she dosn't then she can say no, so I gave her an option. she said she will take my mobile number of thursday and she does want to revise with me. when thursday came, she never asked for my number, I thought she probably forgot, so I gave it to her anyway, when I asked her for her number she said that she would phone me. I then asked her when she would phone, she told me that she would phone me on the following Tuesday evening and talk to me about revision. When the time came, she never phoned, I emailed her, she never replied, if she didn't want to revise with me, why couldn't she just tell me, rather than string me along, I could use that time constructively.

I don't know what to do, everyone either is making excuses, or just stringing me along and not being honest, its like they purposely want to mess with my head. I don't know what to do, should I wait a bit longer, but I feel hopeless, I don't think I can do these exams, I revised my first year exams with someone, and now she doesn't want to revise with me.

I can't do this, its too hard, when I find out what other people know, I realise I am so behind, I don't know much, and the exams are approaching, I keep wishing for someone to revise with me, I can't do this on my own. I feel hopeless, I can't fail. I just feel like crying all the time, because people are not being straight with me. I can't take this anymore, I am not fit to do this degree, or any degree. PLEASE HELP ME.

---

Visitor Comments
Date: March 26, 2008
Posted By: Catherine, www.Life-With-Confidence.com

Hi D,

Well, first, here's a huge big hug for you. I'm sending you lots and lots of loving caring thoughts. Can you feel them? Big hug.

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. But, you can do this. You really can. You can make it through this. It just feels really overwhelming right now. Plus, with your exams coming up and with the stress you're feeling, it all seems so insane right now. But, take a big deep breath. Breathe in, breathe out. You can do this. I have total faith in you.

So, let's take a look at what's happening here. When I was in university, I found a lot of what you're finding too. I think some programs in university are so competitive that people are afraid to share their notes or to help anyone else. It's not about you. It's about them. They're afraid that if they help you then it hurts them. In my year, people would even go to the library and hide all the books on their particular subject just so no one else could use those books. It was so insane but it all had to do with the fact that they were so afraid of helping anyone else. So, in university, you're dealing with a lot of insecure people.

So, if you find someone won't share their notes, know that they're feeling insecure. It's not about you, it's about them and how they're feeling.

Are there any "official" tutor groups you could join? Or are there any study groups offered by your university? Or can you talk to your professor and get some help there? Or does your professor have assistants that might be able to help you out? If you went and talked to your professor, he/she might know of some additional resources to help you out as well. Or they may know someone else in your class who is looking for a study partner and they could match you up. Is there a place where you can post a "help wanted" ad and maybe find someone else who wants to study with you? There's lots of people who will help you, you just need to find them. It sounds like your class mates aren't going to help you out so you may have to look elsewhere. So, don't worry about them. You can find others who aren't so insecure.

Cancel those negative thoughts that you can't do this on your own. You CAN do this. You don't need to compare yourself with others and what you think they know. You're only guessing how much they know. And, it doesn't matter. What's important is how you're doing. So, take a step back and look at what you need to do, what you need to learn, and what you want to achieve. Then, focus on how you're going to do that. Right now, you're focusing on what you don't want (you don't want to fail) and all your fears are taking over all of your thoughts. Turn it around and focus on what you do want. If your thoughts start thinking things like, "if I fail this class then this will happen and then that will happen... etc." then take a deep breath and stop those thoughts. What are you focusing on? What you don't want. That doesn't help and is just confusing the issue. Focus on the real issue at hand. What do you need to get done? What might happen isn't important right now. You'll deal with the future when it comes. Right now, you can figure out the best way to move forwards and then you don't get stuck in your feelings of fear.

Also, maybe focus on one thing at a time. Right now, it sounds like you're letting everything overwhelm you.

You CAN do this. You just need to stay calm and focused and as relaxed as you can. Let all the negative thoughts go. They don't help you so you don't need them. Believe in yourself. You're far stronger than you think. You're also far smarter than you think. You can do this.

This is just a temporary time for you as well. Just because your class mates are insecure doesn't mean that no one likes you. That's just them. They'll be out of your life soon enough and you'll be on to finding true friends that really do care about you.

Feel free to email me using my contact form if you like and I'll try to help you as much as I can. Even if you just want to vent or talk some more, I'm willing to listen. Super, huge Hug for you.

Here's a really great quote I'd like to share with you as well:

"Discouragement is a negative emotion with more than one trick up its dark sleeve. It tricks you into mentally or emotionally dwelling in the very place you want to leave. Drop all such sorrow permanently by daring to see through this deception of the unconscious mind. You have a destination far beyond where you find yourself standing today" - Guy Finley